Feb. 15. My discouragements increase daily among this people, by reason of the divisive temper inflamed by the late fast, so that there are several of them whose face I have not seen since that time. My circumstances are extremely heavy: they seem to have little desire for the gospel: the most weighty truths look as nauseous to them; though if any thing relating to the public fall in, they use to prick up their ears. Some have never come to the ordinance since I came, being led by mere laziness and profane neglect; besides those that were always dissenters from the established church. Those that come, many of them think nothing of staying away several Sabbaths; and when they come, they are generally very uncomfortable. My wonted exercise of conversing with exercised souls is gone; there is no converse but about the division; the practice of godliness is thereby stifled, and burnt up with the fire. The crown is fallen from my head, and I am brought very low! The approaching Sabbath, that sometimes was my delight, is now a terror to me; so that it is my business now, to get my forehead steeled against brass and iron. On Sabbath was fourteen days, I felt the sad effects of giving way to discouragement, and this has put me on my guard. I have sometimes asked myself, Whether, if I had known all that has befallen me here, I would have accepted the call, or not? And I cannot say, I durst have refused. Two things are supporting to me: 1. My clearness as to my call from the Lord, which has not been perplexed by all that I have met with, but still remained as a ground of comfort. 2. An amazing conduct of Providence in preaching the word, whereby I am guided in my ordinary to speak in their case. As, particularly, these two last Sabbaths it fell in my ordinary to lecture the 7th and 8th chapters of the Revelation, where I had occasion to speak largely of schism and division, with the effects thereof. And in this very time Mr. Macmillan was preaching in the bounds. And in my ordinary sermons I find the same conduct of Providence. [Thomas Boston]
<< Home